I love you Adrianne

I am sad. I am more than sad. In some ways I am devastated. Adrianne McBride, one of my very best friends, died yesterday morning in a car accident. I saw her beautiful face twenty minutes before it happened. Twenty minutes. It is so unreal to me.

I feel both happy and guilty that I shared a bed with her her last night here on Earth. Happy because I am honored to have spent the last moments of her life with her; guilty because someone more worthy should have been able to share them. We had just spent the night celebrating my brothers' birthday with many of my friends. She arrived late to Red Robin, around 8pm, happier than ever. She said "I love you" and "I miss you" so many times that I can't even count. I just wish I had said them more times back. She looked beautiful, wearing black and yellow and one of my favorite necklaces of hers. She was in one of her best moods ever. My little brother had been asking forever when Adrianne would arrive; he was excited to spend time with his "movie soul mate," especially on his birthday. I am sad that in the picture taken of my group of friends, Adrianne hid her head behind mine, on purpose. :)

(notice she has a diet coke with lime in her hand :) )

We spent dinner talking about the movie He's Just Not That Into You, which we had both seen that day. She loved it, as she knew she would. She saw it with her friend Jonny I think; she was glad to have been able to spend time with him.

When dinner was over, I spent the next couple of hours letting Adrianne talk about anything and everything. I hardly said anything back...just listened. For some reason, although I was a little annoyed that she was doing all the talking, I felt like I needed to just listen, so I just let her talk. I am glad now, because I think I can recount much of what she talked about in the last moments of her life.

The first thing we did was head to Victoria Secret, one of her favorite stores. Adrianne loves lingerie (Is that how you spell it? I wish you were here to let me know). Adrianne loves anything that makes a person feel beautiful.

Next, we ran into a friend of mine, and when he told us he had just read The Road, by Cormac McCarthy, she instantly became his best friend and shared her love of everything Cormac McCarthy and her excitement for the movie of The Road soon to come out.

Then, we made a Del Taco run. Adrianne loves Del Taco. She ordered a load of food, refused to let me pay for my own order, (which she did all the time...she is one of the most generous people I know) and got a huge Diet Coke...her favorite. :)

As we sat down, she told me all about her sister's swim meet and how she was hoarse from cheering her family members on. So loyal. She loves her family so much.

She talked about her pregnant sister, the upcoming baby, and how excited she was for it to come. She talked about her pregnant sister's funny belly button and how great she thought it was.

She told me how funny she thought her brother-in-law Greg is and how his funny hand gestures make her laugh. She told me about how he once described his nipples as tarantulas (because they are hairy) while doing spider movements with his hands in front of his nipples. She demonstrated for me as I went into a fit of laughter. She told me how much she loved her sister and her husband and how perfect they are for each other.

She told me about her new job and how much she loved it! She told me about her instant friendship with the receptionist and how much they were alike. Adrianne was instantly friends with everyone.

We then went and hung out at my brother's apartment where we watched SNL. She had comments for everything that happened and comments about all the actors. She knows everything about acting, television, and the film industry, and she has opinions on it all. She talked to everyone like she had known them forever and informed everyone that if they weren't already watching 30 Rock, they needed to be. She shared her love for Alec Baldwin.

After awhile, we left, went home, and started getting ready for bed. She was excited that the only toothpaste I could find was my nephew's...bubble gum flavor and didn't hesitate to brush away while reminiscing about using it in childhood. Adrianne was passionate about everything! Her passion was always something I was a little jealous of.

She was totally okay with sharing a bed with me...it wasn't the first time. I was in love with hers and had fallen asleep in it several times on accident. She didn't mind at all. As we fell asleep, we talked about her friend Scott, about what a great person he was, how fun he was, and how she wished she could spend more time with him. She admired him a lot.

When we woke up. She told me how she hates to eat breakfast, how she hates waking up, and how happy she was to spend time with me.

She followed me to Maverick, filled up with gas, and she was on her way. One of the last things she told me was how much she loved and listened to a certain Death Cab song, and I am sad I cannot remember which one it is. I can't remember if I said I love you when she left, and I am sad about that.

About twenty minutes later, she joined all of our past loved ones on the other side. I will miss her, and I regret that I was not a better friend to her.

Adrianne was there for me in all the times that mattered most in the nine months that we were friends. She was strong in a way that I was not, and she lent some of that strength to me.

Adrianne- You taught me to be a little more passionate, a little more strong willed, and a little more empathetic. You felt peoples' pain in a way I know I never will be able to. You made me feel beautiful and loved. I have never had a more loyal friend than you. You are amazing!! Someday, I hope we meet again, and I hope you will forgive me for my shortcomings. Because of you, I will be a better friend to everyone I come in contact with. I will love you forever, for eternity.

Your friend,

Ashley